She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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