i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
