we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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