U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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