6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
