do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
