She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
