walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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