So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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