Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
