ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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