i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
