There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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