Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
