Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
