I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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