i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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