i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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