I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
