im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
