u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sorry about my life...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
