after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
