We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
