Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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