Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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