go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
