Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My penis needs a shock collar
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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