yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
