he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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