Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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