if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
People in love make me want to vomit
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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