id be glad to
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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