put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
