I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
