she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you didnt know i had herpes?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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