So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
