Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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