so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
