Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I wish there were birth control emojis
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
