he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you didnt know i had herpes?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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