So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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