dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Your penis caused this!
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