I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
