he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
