I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
