Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
