Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
