Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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