I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
