The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
